I'm back!

Last week, I was on a business trip in Texas and randomly ran into Delightful Surprise! We had a blast at dinner and both agreed that we missed Women Going Down. I've enjoyed hiding out and being on my own because it's "comfortable" but I miss the conversations, I miss the women, I miss the love and I miss the encouragement.

So, I'm starting my blog again. What's new with me? I've committed to run the Chicago Marathon in October of 2009 and I'm doing it in honor of inspiring others to be healthy. More details to come with that later!

Back in Action!!

Since we women of women going down last saw one another a few months back it seems we've been distancing ourselves more and more. We've gotten busy with our lives, which is fantastic, but for me I notice that I've dropped out of really taking care of myself the way I want to and know to. I'm back. I'm working (at my job) hard and finally getting the rest I need. I've been indulgent in many ways and now I'm ready to reclaim self control and the healthy lifestyle that I so desire. My apologies to everyone who supports me in my healthy choices for my being out of communication and up to no good (when it comes to taking care of myself). Thank you for being a stand that I am who I say I am and thank you for your patience. Back on the bandwagon one turn of the wheel at a time. : )
I'll be on the conference call this afternoon and look forward to hearing the voices of the women of WGD so we can create a call time that works for everyone. Delight

How Much for a Good Night's Rest?

I have not wanted to blog, be in communication, do anything, really, to reconcile the fact that my integrity is out with WomenGoingDown. It took missing one of our conference calls to allow myself to feel excluded, removed, an distanced. It looks very self-indulgent as I sit here now. At around the same time that I misse dthe call, I heard something on the radio that rang true for me . All of the information was about women's health issues, one of which is sleep. When my mantra deviates from "all is well", even for a short time, I am on the hunt like some vicious prowler, for what is wrong. I lose a LOT of sleep, and I know intellectually and physically that it takes a big toll on my well being. In a Harvard sleep study, it was found that less than eight hours of sleep on a regular basis can actually lead to cardiovascular disease. It also is connected with the production of Cortisol, a stree- related hormone which is related to weight gain. Further, (not part of the Harvard study), it has been found to have a positive effect on adequate sleep and stress reduction for women to have conversations with girlfriends (other women). This is a really huge emotional trigger point for me. I don't have conversations with women friends very often at all. I have a lot to say on this topic, and about what I might call the "fallout" of not having these conversations.

Superhero interview

I was asked to be highlighted as a "Superhero" in an online raw food group of which I'm a member. As I was answering the questions, I thought it would provide a source of inspiration and I'd like you to answer the questions for yourself as well.

What is your superhero name? Phat Nat

Where do you live? I live in a rural area in Kansas so I can have nature around me to balance my life and to grow a huge garden!

Where do you want to live? I want to live in the healthy, raw food bed and breakfast my husband and I are building. I also have a dream of living in another country like New Zealand or Australia!

What are your three favorite superfoods? Maca - for sure! ;), Goji berries and Lacinato Kale (I consider kale to be a superfood)

Describe your best day ever (15 words): Having no sense of time coupled with an experience of being deeply connecting with someone.

Name the best thing ever about yourself: I'm an eternal optimist!

What is your hidden superhero power? Momentum

Biggest superhero inspiration: It's a mix between Werner Erhard (a champion of transformation), Mother Teresa (selfless contribution to the world), Madonna (knows what she wants and goes after it) and Oprah (inspires the world).

Who am I?

So I scheduled an identity crisis this month. I figured it was time to do some soul searching. Figure out what I am going to choose to have my life be about. But not philosophically. As a practice. What is going to be the "doing" of my life for the next 10 years or so?

There are a lot of potential answers to this question. I have led a fragmented and diverse life so far. And at some point it becomes clear that one needs to specialize. So I am exploring this. I am talking to the people in my life. Asking them questions. Here are some questions:

1. What do you think is really important to me?

2. What are my strengths?

3. What are my weaknesses?

So women, what do you think? Please leave comments or shoot me an email. XOXO

Financial Well Being

Part of my mind, body, spirit development is managing my financial well being. I've been surviving and struggling with my money situation for the past 10 years.

With no income and falling behind on bills, things have been extremely tough in the past seven months.

This has had a huge impact on my health. It's been very serious and at times I thought I could not go on and get past this.

I've held an image in my mind of having more than enough money where I'd be handing it out like people who grow tomatoes. And I've held an image in my mind of writing out large sums of money at one time to the bill collectors.

I started talking to people about this and was referred to someone who paid their debt off. This person shared ways to arrange settlements with credit card companies.

Today, two years later, I arranged my first settlement! The company settled for 50% off the total amount.

I really want people to get that they can make it through ANY situation; get in communication, take action and don’t give up!

Tomorrow

So I've been playing the "I'll do it tomorrow" game with a few things in my life that are important to me, like exercise. I am still exercising about 4 times a week, but it's not to the level of intensity that I have been striving for and I'm still not waking up early in the morning consistently like I would like to.

Thankfully, today, I heard this "tomorrow" conversation going on in my head. I had a very easy workout yesterday and told myself yesterday, "You'll work out hard tomorrow". Well, guess what I was trying to tell myself today? Yep, same thing, "You'll work out hard tomorrow." Except today, I was going to skip exercise completely. I knew I had to take immediate action or I sensed it would get more difficult to motivate myself to exercise if I kept putting it off and allowing myself to continue saying "You'll do it tomorrow".

So I gave myself a time to work out, put on my exercise clothes and went outside. It was gorgeous, I exercised for 40 minutes and tomorrow, I'm exercising again!

Prayer as Healing Source

I've been balancing all aspects of my life to create my overall 'well' life. This past weekend I decided to go to church, after a long absence. When I've attended before, it filled me with an inner peace and sense of contentment.

They have a prayer book where one can list anyone they wish to send prayers to so I added my friend, Kenny, who is dealing with pancreatic cancer.

Today, I came across this video clip 'Prayer as Healing Source':
http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/index.php?cl=8513496

Please take a moment to review this.

I've experienced prayer making a difference in my life and the life of others. No matter what religion or no religion; it's an energy of love. Please send your prayers and loving thoughts to my friend Kenny.

This collage was originally created and entitled "I don't have a creative bone in my body". Now I look at it in lioght of all that is going on, and I see something quite different. The blank canvas has STAYED really blank, the stony-faced thinker- Yeah, everything is EASY, and the distractions, distractions, distractions all around.
I just love to pay attention to those distractions in moments like this. I do know that I choose them to carry me away. (There's more...)

Juggling It All Keeps A Woman Healthy

I came across an interesting article, Career + motherhood = healthy women. It stated: "The researchers found that women who had been homemakers most of their lives were most likely to report poor health, followed by single mothers and childless women.

Homemakers tended to gain weight more quickly and had the highest rate of obesity at 38% while women who were employees, wives and mothers had the lowest. "

My career has been on again off again since being a mom for the past 11 years. I spent the majority of the time as a single mom and the rest as a homemaker.

I've noticed how difficult it's been to stay on the fit track. This article sheds some light on the subject. Looking back, the times when I was working, even part time, dealing with my weight and fitness schedule wasn't such an issue as it is now since being home full time.

Here I've been concerned about juggling working full time, mom and wife. Needless to say, I'm looking forward to returning to work in the very near future.

One day at a time

Right now I'm frustrated with myself. I have been telling myself for months that I want to wake up early and exercise AND I've done it a few times. I'm really good at it when I'm traveling for work but crappy at it when I'm at home and lately, I've been home more than I've been traveling.

Now that it's summer time, I want to take advantage of the early morning sun, the warm weather and that peaceful time I can have to myself in the country with me and nature.

It becomes ridiculously overwhelming in my mind if I were to make a commitment to wake up the rest of this week and exercise, so I'm going to take it one day at a time and promise to wake up tomorrow morning and do something physical for 30 minutes. I'll keep you posted!

Right now, I'm going to get ready for bed so I can wake up and be rested! Good night.

Critters and sense of self

I was just looking at the photo of me and my horse, Buddy, on the web page. I moved to New Mexico SO THAT I could fulfill on a promise to hime. I told him that we'd have a ranch someday. He does, and as much as he loves it, he has aged visibly in the last two years. So have I. The climate is tough on organisms.
So I am upset. We have a houseful of long-anticipated guests, and our kitty had to move down to the barn for a week. I LOVE my animals. We drove out from California with my cat Bart on the console of the car. He was such an awesome traveller. He was nineteeen years old, and he lived here for about six months. He died as a result of the tainted cat food scandal last February.
Enough said about the critters. Just to say that I am so affected by the presence or absence of animals. This blog is a tribute to the extraordinary contribution that animals are to to many people's lives.

Balance

In this fast paced world I find that I need the balance of good friends, fun times, travel, exercise and the arts to keep me grounded. Lately it seems that illness and death are all around me. I’ve been making sure to get exercise and have been monitoring my eating as I tend to give up on both when life becomes more hectic than usual. I also find that doing fun things with my girlfriends helps to lighten the atmosphere and bring about peace. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m dancing again and have taken African, Horton (modern) and Jazz classes this week. What a thrill!

All three dance methods have provided different challenges for my brain, body and soul. The African dance utilizes isolated movements that allow your body to gyrate quickly; The Horton also utilizes isolation, but is filled with technique of flat backs, tabletops and T’s. (Here, I could see where I need to develop more strength!); and jazz was quick & playful, forcing me to be focused and on top of my game! The joy of dancing and fun of seeing “Sex in The City” with one of my girlfriends provided balance through an otherwise rough week.

Call for R & R

I've been experiencing an annoying eye twitch for the past month. This weekend it increased quite a bit.

I googled it and found: Our bodies are remarkable machines, capable of doing extraordinary and unusual things at times. Eye twitching may be nothing more than a sign you need to take it easy, or need a little R&R, as much as it may be a sign that something more serious is going on.

I found another site that recommends contacting a physician if they do not disappear within a 7 day week. I will be scheduling an appointment this week.

I DON'T relax or take much time for R&R. This weekend I ended up with a cold/flu bug and was down for 3 days; a forced R&R. Interesting, the eye twitch lightened up quite a bit.

Could this be why the weight is not going down?

I'm taking one simple step this week to add R&R to my life - I'm purchasing outdoor lounge chairs for my husband and I to share in this time in our backyard. Something so simple, yet so valuable for all of us.

R&R without sickness!

Taking a break!

The past week I have lost weight and I haven't even been trying. I went on a trip to a seminar called "The Best Weekend Ever", bathed in the fresh water springs of Enota Springs, Georgia, and participated in a sweat lodge.

I also was sick for a day after I got back and that was from my braveness (or stupidity) to try a fermented drink that I let ferment in 100+ degree car while I was gone. Definitely not a good idea! But the good thing was that I was forced to rest for a day.

One of the main things I took away from the weekend was how much of an unnatural environment (like sitting in front of a computer under florescent lights) and not getting enough sunlight, fresh air, nature and relaxation has a negative impact on my health.

I not only rested during this past week but was also extremely happy and stress was extremely low as I experienced the weight loss. I'm beginning to think there's a strong correlation to all of this.

Wellbeing - Handled

There are many aspects of wellbeing to have handled. The area I’m struggling to find peace over is my financial wellbeing. Recently I refinanced my home and took out extra monies to pay off a home equity line of credit. I deposited the check into my daily account and the money never made it to its intended destination. Due to the nature of the freelance world, I haven’t been bringing in the bacon as I could and this ‘little’ mistake has caused me much grief. Fortunately the funds are there and my ‘bootie’ is covered, but I find myself living in a state of disruption and dis-ease. It’s clear to me how worry, fret, fear and uneasiness can cause just that, disease. I’ve not been at ease and find myself on the verge of tears at really unlikely moments. So, I’m creating a new possibility to live into right now. The possibility of being free and at ease. The actions I’m taking are getting unfinished business complete so that I’ll know just where I stand financially while maintaining my new eating, sleep and exercise routines, so that I have energy to keep myself grounded and healthy. That’s worth living into!!

I can survive anything.

I did this collage at a Developmental Program session this past weekend. So dark. It’s called, I can survive anything”. While investigating this, came to find out that the more I am successful at surviving something (anything), the more it reinforces that there really is something for me to survive. Yikes. That’s not livin’.

Perhaps I have been surviving my current level of physical fitness, or worse yet, enduring it!

Whew! That done and said, I so enjoyed being near Yosemite. What beautiful country that is! Every course session required a hike up a hill, and it felt great. Part of my well-being is clearly being with people, and sharing my passion. I feel so alive when that is what I am doing. It may not build biceps, but it definitely builds a muscle to create, to be inspired, to inspire.

Just Another Excuse?

Now I hear the first step to getting fit is loving oneself. I started to google this today: "How to Love Myself". Came up with all kinds of directions to take. I noticed this is just another stall tactic for me, important, yes, but taking this path will have me take on more exploration versus time on doing what needs to be done - food intake education and management along with exercise - cardio and strength training. The things I know makes the body I want.

I've researched personal trainers with nutrition and diet backgrounds, interviewed one today 2 minutes from my house and scheduled an hour long evaluation this week. I even got the $100 evaluation fee waived because they opened a new location near my home! Action, action, action.

New structures, responsible structures for me for what I'm up to and ones to support the areas I know I'm weak in. I found someone that will help me with what I need to eat and when and a new mix of exercise, an actual plan, something to work towards. Someone that has devoted their life to this.

I look forward to updating progress.

Dancing about architecture

Here's the honest truth. It's started to seem a little silly to me lately to keep talking (blogging) about physical fitness. It's kind of like dancing about architecture. I mean really, it's harder and harder for me to see the value of engaging about my health in a realm that doesn't impact health. You know? Like dancing about architecture. It doesn't build buildings. And talking doesn't create health and fitness.

Well-being may be a different issue. Well-being does seem at least to some extent to live in the realm of language. But fitness it seems to me lives purely in the structural. Weight goes up, weight goes down. Heart rate goes up, heart rate goes down. What could I possibly say about all that that would make a difference?

So that's where I am.

Well-Being II

Well-being. What is it, I ask myself again. On different days, at different times, my response may be different.

Well-being looks like being resilient, focused, self-confident and physically well in the face of any circumstance. I notice with what mind-swirling immediacy my default thinking kicks in when circumstances present themselves that I say are confronting. What makes them confronting is that they create an environment that forces my engagement with and in the UNKNOWN. Not many people buy vacation packages for that destination! Despite my resistance, I am certain that any experiences that demand engagement with the unknown will result in extraordinary personal growth. Sometimes this growth is tough to see, because it actually transforms me, and I am unable to look BACK and COMPARE. Oh well.

Well-being shows up when I am willing to take a stand and pursue my dreams NO MATTER WHAT. Most people die by the time they are 25, but they aren’t buried until they’re 75 or 80. That’s because they fail to act and ignore their dreams.

The Best Weekend Ever!

Hey Women Going Down fans,

I'm going to be at the Best Weekend Ever (BWE) this weekend in Atlanta! It's a have-the-best-health-and-nutrition seminar, and living-life-from-consciousness education seminar (at least that's what I'm guessing it will be). David Wolfe, a passionate and magnetic raw food speaker and motivator, is the main mastermind behind this event. I am excited beyond words to go!

I am also giving you a heads up that I will not be blogging on Sunday as I'm scheduled since I'll be soaking up the BWE atmosphere in its fullest. I will report and share my experiences next week.

Whatever you are doing this weekend, make sure YOU have the Best Weekend Ever!

Love, Phat

From Love as a Noun to Love as a Verb

I have a pattern where I’m overweight in relationships. I saw how much of a controlling bitch I am in relationships with men. It's been eating at me the way I've been. It causes an inner self hate, self loathing and soul diminishing downward spiral for me.

My predictable future will be divorce, misery and a life living alone, sad and withdrawn.

I saw how much hate and lashing out I've done to my husband. I've been unwilling to let go of this controlling way; until today. I've been waiting for this to go away versus creating a new way of being that would cause miraculous and joyful relationships.

I'm creating a new practice in my life; the practice of ‘being’ loving. I’m creating a list - "50 Ways to Keep a Lover" list; including - writing a love letter to my husband each day until he returns this weekend; a foot rub, a back rub, etc. I’m sending this list to a friend/coach and will update her on the progress the next few weeks.

Being loving will take something on my part to manage; especially to myself. I will post reminders on my bathroom mirror, kitchen cabinet, etc.

In The Family

I attended a screening of In The Family, a film which follows Joanna Rudnick, a 32 year old filmmaker, as she deals with testing positive for the BRCA gene (Coming October 7th to P.O.V. on PBS.) In the film Joanna toils with the decision of whether or not to have her breasts and ovaries removed or to risk, against incredible odds, developing cancer.

Two weeks ago I wrote about the loss of my sister-in-law’s sister, Mary, to Breast Cancer. She has a 17 year old daughter, who will be attending school about one hour from my home and is likely struggling with the question of ‘do I carry the BRCA gene?' The day before Mary passed, her sister asked me if I would be available for Lanie. Now, faced with the reality of being a role model and friend to this lovely young lady, the significance of the message of In The Family is very high on my radar screen. Not only do I want to pass along this information to Lanie, but to every woman, because we all know someone who can benefit. More info, click links.

Update on My Big Game

I've other than won my Big Game that I created on April 6th. I said I would weigh 125 lbs and lose 5% body fat by May 15th. I was not home on that day to measure so I am using my readings from today which is 132.4 lbs and I'm down 1% body fat. I also have not scheduled a time with the photographer to take my pictures on June 15th.

What's at the source of not accomplishing my goals? Not being 100% committed, not stepping beyond my comfort levels and not putting myself 100% into it. I didn't act like it was going to happen. I was expecting it to happen to me rather than me causing it to happen. I chose staying in bed over exercise even though I knew I would get into an exercise groove if I just took the first step and started an exercise program in the morning. I left my exercise to the afternoons and evenings and either got too busy or did them half-heartedly.

I'm recommitting to reaching my goal by June 28th and I'm creating myself as the possibility of strength, passion and beauty!

Read the Fine Print

My annual pap and mammogram tests came back normal. Super. My cholesterol panel came back with less stellar results. Although my overall cholesterol was lower than last year, my “bad” cholesterol was higher- up from a nasty 160 last year to a shocking 170 this year. I was living a pretty righteous life over the past year, like- it doesn’t affect me.

Was driving the other day, and all of a sudden, I had a complete inability to open my left eye fully. I actually had paralysis of part of my face. It lasted for a couple of minutes, and the good news is- I paid attention to it, and all is well now. I haven’t had it checked out yet, but- could that be symptomatic of a mini-stroke. Now I am not feeling so righteous. I am a little afraid. High cholesterol/heart disease/stroke. There’s plenty of research to substantiate those relationships- notwithstanding family history. How does a five-way bypass sound?

Then (all this sent as cosmic messengers), on the radio yesterday, I heard a report out of Philadelphia about menus on well-trafficked restaurants that offer nutritional information for “healthy offerings/weight watchers/guiltless” sections. Bottom line is- the calorie count was usually MUCH higher than the number listed, with the exception, it seemed of some of the salads. The fat grams, however, including the salads, generally were 3-5 times higher than what was listed. One of the three major chains represented was not even apologetic. That leaves, realistically, ONE source I can rely on to prepare food that is probably “safe” for me to eat- ME. A fair warning to all. I have relied on those nutritional synopses on menus, and will no longer.